comic – Page 9 – PretenseSoup

Em oi! #335: The M&M Jar

Well, I’m knackered, but my computer is now up and running again (Windows 7) after a reformat, and hopefully it will keep going for a long time. Unfortunately, I’ve lost the password I needed to log into the site (Classification Web) where I could look things up in LCC, so the comics won’t be categorized for a while. After winter break ends, I can use the hard copy of LCC or the computers in the library school lab.

A few quick notes about the comic:

Based on an actual conversation, and I laughed for a long time. Bryan has a perfect sense of timing.
My birthday is actually May 3. I figure since it’s mostly Bryan and my mom who read this, I shouldn’t bother mentioning it. But then I thought maybe I should for those random strangers.
I have had this drawn for a couple of days and I’ve been waiting on the re-installation of all my various programs before I could process and upload it. I would have had it up last night, but Bryan’s computer exploded and I went to go play games with him to console him. The things we do for love.
I think that’s it. I’m really tired now.
Oh, the name of the comic was chosen to be similar to The Bell Jar. Not that I recommend the book, mind. Unless you are a depressed teenager, then it will be awesome. Actually, I take that back. I think it was so depressing I had to stop reading it. So that’s pretty depressing.

I’m not one for Xmas cheer, but I’ll close by wishing everyone a happy holiday season. My gift is a trip to Paris and London. I am so excited I cannot sit still. I get to go to Paris! I can run to the Eiffel Tower! We’ll go to London! I’ll see Baker Street!

I’m full of exclamation points.

If I owe you an email, I’m sorry. Still getting caught up on everything from finals.

ETA: Classed as GT2920.C3 L86 2010 for Manners and customs (General)–Customs relative to private life–Eating and drinking customs–Foods and beverages–Beverages–Other, A-Z–Chocolate.

Em ơi! #334: A Short and Pointless Story

Bryan’s friend’s dog came over (long story) to go for a run with us tonight. Last week when this happened, Kali (the cat) freaked out, urinated on me to get me to drop her, streaked up the stairs and was not heard from for another three hours. This week she sat on the sofa and hissed quietly when the dog came near. This was pretty distressing for the dog, who wants to be friends with everyone and who was evidently determined to protect his friend Bryan from the mean nasty bitchy cat, but I think it’s a vast improvement.

This comic…Bryan and I have had a couple of conversations about it. The first one was like this:

Em: I’m going to do a comic about your socks.

Bryan: My…my socks? That won’t be funny. Aren’t you afraid people will think you’re all domestic?

Em: It’ll be fine.

Second conversation:

Bryan: The comic is funnier now that I’ve read it again. (pause) I’ve been finding mis-matched socks in my drawer for the last two weeks.

Em: See, I’m helpful.

We’ll file this comic under PN6231.S634 L86 2010, for Collections of general literature–Wit and humor–Collections on special topics, A-Z–Socks.

I usually don’t class my stuff in PN (literature) because, well, everything would go there, and part of the point of this exercise (if there is a point) is to get to know the LCC in general. But I’m only finding one other topic related to socks, and it’s about knitting, which isn’t right. So literature it is. This is, of course, the problem with an enumerative classification (all categories listed out, as opposed to an expressive classification like Dewey which allows a cataloger to create numbers on the fly). But don’t get me started…

I’ve noticed that most bloggers end with questions to try to engage their readers in a dialog and garner comments. So how about this: Do you have any opinions on enumerative versus expressive classification systems?

No, wait. Don’t go. Let’s start with something easier, like “How was your day?” I myself swam 2100 yards, cleaned a heinous virus off my laptop, and made truffles out of bad fudge. What did you do today?

Em ơi! #333: Sucks to be Me

This was meant to be a follow-up to the comic from the week before last, #332, about giving up sugar. But even though the comic was finished last week, the week itself was a total write-off in terms of getting things done, so it didn’t get scanned until today.

I just burned the fuck out of my hand failing at fudge making, so excuse me if I’m not as apologetic as I should be about completely missing an update. Ugh. I’ll have an amusing illustrated essay up Friday or Saturday to make it up to you.

Not eating sugar/candy was a weird experience. I basically wanted to eat the biggest most chocolate-y and fat filled cake I could imagine. Instead I think I had some low fat frozen yoghurt. But whatever. While I was not eating candy, Bryan and I were planning a big dinner party, so basically every time we were out running or driving around or whatever, it devolved into a case of, “So, what should we make for dessert?” Bryan thought for some reason we should focus on the main course. I don’t get it.

Anyway, I wish I could say I’m eating less sugar or something now that I’ve had my time off. But I’m not. I am eating more dried fruit, which I guess is a plus.

So my hand. I usually don’t fuck up recipes this badly, but I just threw away like five cups of burned crystallized sugar and peanut butter. All I can say is, “Go fuck yourself, Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook.”

This comic is filed under TX553.S8 L86 2010a, for:

Home economics–Nutrition. Foods and food supply–Examination and analysis. Composition. Adulteration–Dietary studies, food values, experiments, tests, etc.–Special constituents, A-Z–Sugar

Em ơi! #332: I Think He’s Serious

In the last panel there, B is actually making fun of me–that’s something I would say. He has never shown any concern for what he eats in conjunction with how much or how little he runs.

EDIT: So originally I had the above sentence phrased differently. B protests that he does care about staying svelte, which is why he runs several times per week with me, lift weights, and so on. Which is totally fair — I don’t mean to imply that he’s a slouch or not fit or something. He’s quite fit. Mm.

Sorry. I got distracted. Anyway, my point was not that he is unfit or spends his entire life eating frosting out of a canister with a spoon (which is something I have possibly done in the middle of a sugar craving, ugh), but that he doesn’t freak out when he eats too many sweets. If I eat a lot of candy, I feel like I have to run more to run it off. He just shrugs and eats less the next day. Both systems work in terms of weight maintenance…but his is definitely more relaxing. So that is how he’s making fun of me. He’s not a monster or anything.

Anyway, I found it amusing.

Things that count as “candy”: ice cream/frozen yoghurt, candy, chocolates, flavored syrup that goes in coffee, granola bars that have chocolate chunks in them, honey-roasted peanuts, sugar-coated pastries such as cupcakes or donuts or chocolate-chip muffins.

Things that don’t count as candy: sugar or hot cocoa mix in my morning coffee or afternoon tea (I need sugar and milk to drink coffee, and without coffee I cannot function, probably. And Bryan said he would move out.), cough drops, dried fruit.

Today is actually day two of this experiment. It runs until the end of the day Sunday (meaning “when I go to bed”). I drew this picture to indicate how the first two days have been:

I had a presentation today that was quite terrifying (I hate presentations generally, that’s why I want to be a novelist and sit in a cafe and not talk to people). Most of my energy has been directed toward that and not to thinking about the sugar I am missing out on. I notice I want some (for example, I usually have a small sweet after dinner, and I missed that today), but it isn’t overwhelming. Since I still get sugar in my coffee, I don’t feel totally deprived.

I probably won’t have dramatic weight loss (all the running means my weight fluctuates a lot depending on my hydration), but maybe I can restructure my diet to have fewer cookies and more apples. Not a terrible idea.

This comic is filed under TX553.S8 L86 2010, for (you ready for this?):

Home economics–Nutrition. Foods and food supply–Examination and analysis. Composition. Adulteration–Dietary studies, food values, experiments, tests, etc.–Special constituents, A-Z–Sugar

LCC almost never fails. Amazing.

Am I the only one who does crazy experiments-of-one like this?

Em ơi! #331: Keeping Fear Alive

So while I was driving to Barriques I heard a song on the radio. The only lyrics I understood were “You could be a G.” The rest of the song was in Hindi (or I assume it was Hindi). If that is gangsta rap in India I am all for it, it was quite good.

No, okay. I’ll tell you what you want to know: Four cavities. Me. Tomorrow. So I did this comic in advance because maybe I won’t survive? And Bryan is working the night shift out in VA, so I wanted to give him something to amuse him.

I’m not exactly afraid of dentists per se. I’m just not fond of them. And afraid of whirring tools in my mouth. And afraid of pain. When I went for my first checkup in a number of years two weeks ago, the dentist and the hygienist were trading quips about how difficult two of the cavities were going to be to fill. That was really reassuring. Bryan just said, “Dentistry isn’t scary. It’s warm and fuzzy.” I’ve been repeating this to myself like a mantra.

It is weird having to amuse myself all day and night. Not that I am complaining about the ability to get up when I want without someone suggesting that it is too damn early and maybe I should come back to bed, but the evening does get a bit lengthy and dull. I spent three episodes of the Daily Show/Colbert Report drawing the comic. Then I realized it was only seven, and what the hell do I do with myself for the rest of the night?

That’s a rhetorical question. The answer is “Go to a cafe to write overly dramatic blog posts and ~~not~~ do work.”

This comic is filed under RK60 .L86 2010, for Dentistry–Dentistry as a profession. Dental hygiene as a profession–General works. Although there is a “fear of doctors” heading, there’s no heading for fear of dentists. Apparently all the headings contain the fear.

If you are bored and you want to see some of the hundreds of photos I take (well not really, but I take quite a few photos), you can check out my flickr site. I will try to keep adding stuff for your amusement if you do.

Em ơi!#330: Of Writerly Texts

I was going to color this a little more, but then I couldn’t find my markers and I got caught up in some little crises (related to the drafts of two papers which were/are due this past week), and I decided to just go with it.

In case you were curious, this is what Barthes says about writerly texts:

There may be nothing to say about writerly texts. First of all, where can we find them? Certainly not in reading…: the writerly text is not a thing, we would have a hard time finding it in a bookstore. Further, its model being a productive (and no longer a representative) one, it demolishes any criticism which, once produced, would mix with is: to rewrite the writerly text would consist only in disseminating it, in dispersing it within the field of infinite difference. The writerly text is a perpetual present, upon which no consequent language…can be superimposed; the writerly text is ourselves writing, before the infinite play of the world (the world as function) is traversed, intersected, stopped, plasticized by some singular system…which reduces the plurality of entrances, the opening of networks, the infinity of languages. The writerly is the novelistic without the novel…

(Barthes, Roland. From S/Z: An Essay. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 1974. 3-5.) Very pretty, but kind of incomprehensible, huh? When I asked, I was told that he meant “highbrow texts,” but I don’t think that’s right–hence my answer about “tweets.” However if anyone has a good explanation I’m willing to listen.

This comic is filed under: PQ94 .L86 2010, for French literature–Literary history and criticism–Criticism–By period–20th century–Treatises. Theory. History.

Next week I’ll be funnier.

Em ơi! #329: Pronounced “Lupton Metrish”

This isn’t the first time this whole name thing has come up. See also #307 and #294.

To say I have been somewhat conflicted on this issue is an understatement. After way too much discussion B and I agreed that “Lupton Metrish,” with no hyphen (B doesn’t like hyphens, I don’t know why) would be a good way to style myself. Well, that makes it sound like he had a huge say in it. More like I said, “I’m changing my last name to this” and he said, “As long as you’re happy.”

I’m tempted to call Chase’s inability to get my name correct a form of racism — in many Spanish speaking countries, it’s normal to use two unhyphenated surnames. Check out Gabriel Garica Marquez or Mario Vargas Llosa. Even if Chase didn’t operate internationally (in fact, it’s part of J.P. Morgan Chase & Co., and operates in 60 countries), there are doubtlessly immigrants from Spanish-speaking countries in the US who want to maintain their names in the correct form on their VISA cards. Anyway if it’s not out-and-out racism, it’s certainly obnoxious.

Fun Fact: Apparently Mario Vargas Llosa a) wrote his doctoral thesis on Garcia Marquez and b) later punched him in the face. No one knows why.

By the way, if you were wondering where to find my second-ever published short story, wonder no more. Just click to this link at GUD magazine and buy it for $0.50 (or get the whole issue in a nice PDF for $3.50). It is totally worthwhile.

File this comic under: KF521.L8 2010a

Em ơi!#328: Metacomical

I had originally written that I was only seven inches shorter than Bryan (he is six feet even, I am 5′ 3″). That is clearly wishful thinking. Luckily (?) he caught it before we went to print (or, before I went to school and scanned this).

I’ll file this comic under BF697.5.S43 L86 2010 for Psychology—Differential psychology. Individuality. Self—Special aspects, A-Z—Self-perception. Sadly, if LC has a heading for “Napoleon Complex,” I can’t find it.

In other news, I’m back to running. Don’t tell my PT guy.

I’m kidding (sort of). I’m just running more than his “build up” plan would want me to be doing…but I am taking it relatively easy. Considering that I could do more than a half marathon without feeling sore before all this started, I’m pretty surprised when I’m aching after a five miler. My muscles and lungs are still in shape…my ligaments are evidently now used to biking. I guess it’s not about what I could do, it’s about focusing on the fact that I am allowed to run and have been doing so pain-free. But this is pretty hard.

Em ơi! #327: That is its Purpose

This comic gets filed under RC567.5 L86 2010 for Internal medicine–Neurosciences. Biological psychiatry. Neuropsychiatry–Psychiatry–Psychiatric aspects of personality and behavior condition–Drug abuse. Substance abuse–Caffeine.

CLEARLY.

In other news, Bryan and I are famous. Check out this email I got promoting a local 5k/10k:

I was trying to figure out a way to do the 5k this year. It just isn’t going to happen. The good news is, I went for my first run in two weeks yesterday (and my second today) and my foot seems to be behaving itself.

Em ơi!#326: A Valid Strat

More colored pencils. I am kind of digging the richness of the color, though it is kind of stylized.

File this one under: HE5736 .L86 2010a, for:

Transportation and communications — Bicycles — General works.

If you were wondering, last week I biked 100.5 miles, not including the 2 hours and 40 minutes I spent on the Spin bike at the gym. It turns out I can read while on the Spin bike, which increases the appeal a little bit. This week so far I have biked 20.8 miles; today I took the day off because I had a terrible headache. I have looked back in my running log through to May and I can’t find a day where I didn’t do something – biking used to be what I did on my day off from running (and many of the other days, too). So this is odd. Instead, I baked a loaf of bread using whey from a bottle of goat’s milk I made cheese out of. I also ate a bunch of cookies and studied MySQL.

It is a magical life, I tell you.

Anyway, with regard to the comic (oh yeah): Bryan eventually realized that I had a flat on my bike and not on my car and helped me call a cab to take me downtown. I finally found out that my brakes had been rubbing on the rear tire and worn a hole through which the tube squished and subsequently ruptured. It was a trying day, since I went through two tubes before the bike shop figured out I needed a new tire.

I’m for bed. I have a new story being published (it is actually available for preview/online purchase right now); I’ll put up more details about that tomorrow or Thursday.