Em oi! #364: I Have this Talk with Myself Every Day

Once in the Orlando Airport B looked in my bag for a pen. He was baffled by the array of writing instruments he found there.

“I have one that I use,” I told him, “But then I brought a backup.”

“And what are the other seven?”

“Backups for the backup? Also what if I needed a different color?”

Now when I sit down in class and pull out the pens I need (typically at least two felt-tip pens, a pencil, and two highlighters) I think of that conversation.

The word for pen (ปากกา) was, incidentally, the first word I learned in Thai.

I’ll file this under RC569.5.H63 L86 2012 for Internal medicine—Neurosciences. Biological psychiatry. Neuropsychiatry—Psychiatry—Psychiatric aspects of personality and behavior conditions—Other personality disorders, behavior problems, situations, etc., A-Z—Hoarding. Compulsive hoarding.

Yesterday I biked 65 miles, so today I was a bit stroppy and moody. This is somehow related to a number of factors, including how much I worked yesterday and how much I ate and slept. I’m not really sure how to avoid it, but I’m trying to figure it out. Anyway, I decided I was unfit for public company and, after class, took myself home. I made a quiche for dinner and napped, then went to the gym to swim. The Aqua Zumba people were at it, so I got shoved into the wall side of lane four (see diagram). The guy I was splitting the lane with (I’ll call him angry green shorts man) was swimming a lot faster than I was, and between his passing and the aquarobics going on, it was about as much fun as swimming in a washing machine. I kept getting whanged up against the concrete, and now I am all scraped up. Also Aqua Zumba finished at the same time that I had to go change to meet B for lifting, so they were all in the showers and I didn’t get a shower.

But then while I was waiting for B, I jumped on a dreadmill and managed half a mile (in 7 minutes, or a speed of about 4.5 miles per hour). The only special thing about this is that my leg didn’t hurt at all, and afterward my muscle didn’t start to cramp up like it did the last time I did a run of any significant length. So that’s something! It is not much but it is a starting point. Maybe I can stop freaking out and start building back slowly.

Anyway so that’s the news. Now I have a bunch of Thai homework to take care of, so I will take my leave of you, kind readers.

Em oi! #363: Picking a Lane at the Pool: An Illustrated Guide

I have been logging a lot of time at the pool lately (14,300 yards total last week alone). I think I mentioned last week that there is something wrong with my leg*, and so I am temporarily off running for a bit. This is driving me crazy. I was already pretty depressed by the time I got to the PT, and then he said something like, “Take two weeks off, and then you can go back to running two days a week.”

WELL. I mean, I went to the PT for an aggressive plan of treatment that could get me back into shape fast so I could start training for my damn marathon. So I guess I was disappointed with his advice. I didn’t tell him this though, because I was upset, and I know from experience that if you show you are upset in front of a medical professional, they will write in your file things like, “Shows inappropriate emotional reactions.” I don’t even know what that really means, but I have a feeling it isn’t a good thing to have in your record. So instead of telling Mr. PT that I wasn’t satisfied, I did the following:

  1. Hid my feelings.
  2. Went to the pool.
  3. Cried while swimming laps.

No one can tell you’re crying when you’re swimming. It is a perfect solution. Well, ideally not crying would be a better solution, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.

Anyway, yesterday B sent me a link to this TED talk. He was really sending it to a friend of ours who suffers from various chronic pains and PTSD from a term of service in IRAQ (that’s some serious shit, yo), but I immediately seized on this as a method for making myself happier despite the injury and attendant stress. And so everyday I think about what might help me get a little bit better, a little stronger. Everyday I try to notice how far I’ve come from the day three weeks ago when I had to cut my run short because my SI joint was stuck and running was just too painful. Also everyday I do things that make me happy and reduce my pain, like eating half a loaf of focaccia (oops), a mango, or doing my PT exercises (somewhat more usefully).

It doesn’t hurt that the exercises are working and every day I am feeling less pain and my gait is getting stronger. I hope I will be back to running very soon.

Clearly, this gets filed under GV838.53.S85 L86 2012 for Recreation. Leisure—Sports—Water sports—Swimming, diving, lifesaving—Special topics, A-Z—Swimming pools.

*The PT thought it was a “strain,” which is actually not, as it sounds, a mild case of overdoing it. Strain, in medical terminology, refers to a torn muscle–in other words, you really fucked up. I do not think I have strained my leg, based on how much it hurt during the course of the injury and a lack of precipitating circumstances but WHATEVER I AM NOT A PHYSICAL THERAPIST I GUESS.

Em oi! #362: ชีวิตประจำวัน (Daily life)

Translation by panel, with a few corrections and notes:

Panel 1/2: ฉันตื่นนอนที่๖โมงเช้า แต่ไม่ลุกจากเตียงก่อน6:05
I wake up at 6:00 in the morning, but I don’t get out of bed before 6:05.

Panel 3: ฉันไปห้องน้ำฒเพื่อ ล้างหน้า แปรงฟัง และแต่งตัว
(Original said: …แปรงฟัง ล้างหน้า…)
I go into the bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth, and get dressed.

Panel 4:: ฉันต้องเดินเงียบๆ เพราะสามียังไม่ตื่นนอน
I must walk quietly because my husband is not yet awake.

Panel 5:: ฉันกับหมาไปเดินรอบๆบ้านและบริเวณใกล้ๆ (6:15)
The dog and I go for a walk around the house and the nearby neighborhood.

Arrow pointing at dog: ไมยะ
Maya

Panel 6: พอเดินเสร็จฉันทำกาแฟ บางที่ฉันทำอาหารเช้าด้วย
As soon as the walk is finished, I make coffee. Sometimes I also make breakfast.

Panel 7: 7:05 ฉันออกจากบ้านไปมหาวิทยาลัย ฉันชอบขี่รถจักกรยานมากกว่าขบขับรถ
7:05 I leave the house to go to the university. I like riding my bike much more than I like driving.

Panel 8: ประมาณ๔ชั่วโมง(ตั้งแต่ 8 โมงเช้าถึงเที่ยง) ฉันเรียนภาษาไทย
For about four hours (from 8:00am to noon) I study Thai.

(Those are my classmates. I won’t embarrass them by naming their names. They are nice people and very tolerant. Also they come to class looking very put-together, whereas I come to class looking like I have been dragged backwards through a bush. Biking is excellent for the posterior but not great for the exterior, if you catch my meaning. But even if I were driving, I probably wouldn’t look fantastic when I arrived. I guess I figure I am wearing trousers and a shirt that is clean (or was when I left the house). What more do you really want from me?)

Panel 9: เรียนเสร็จแล้วฉันก็ไปกินอาหารเที่ยงและทำงานที่ห้องสมุดเมโมเรียล
When class is finished, I eat lunch and go to work at Memorial Library.

In panel (top): ฉันไปหาที่OCLCเพื่อสืบค้นทะเบียนของหนังสือ
I look on OCLC to find records for books.

Arrow pointing to books: หนังสือเป็นภาษาฮิบรู
Books in Hebrew

On books: ספר של המת
Book of the dead

Panel 10: ฉันกลับบ้านราวๆบ่าย๓หรือ๔โมง แล้วฉันก็ไปวิ่งหรือไปยิมออกกำลังกายกับสามี
I get home around 3-4:00pm, then I go for a run or work out at the gym with my husband.

(This is kind of a lie because I haven’t been running in several days due to an SI joint problem. Instead, I have been swimming. Win? I have swum more than 10 miles since Friday. I keep trying to find a way to deal with this gracefully, but I’ve started to realize I usually deal with adversity by punching it in the face, so kind of a no-go. Still, someday maybe I will be a cool and calm individual who can cope with adversity without, you know, freaking out.

Right.)

Panel 11: หลังจากกลับบ้านฉันอาบน้ำ ฉันและสามีทำอาหารหรือโทรศัพท์ไปสั่งอาหารร้านอาหาร Curry in the Box ขอให้พวกเขาเอาอาหารไทยมาส่งที่บ้าน (ราวๆ๔โมงเย็นหรือ๑ทุ่ม)
After we get home I shower. My husband and I cook food or call to order food from the restaurant Curry in the Box and ask that they deliver it to our house (around 6-7:00pm).

Panel 12: กินอาหารเย็นแล้วฉันก็ทำการบ้าน ฉันไปนอนราวๆ๔ทุ่ม
After eating dinner I do my homework. I go to bed around 10:00pm.

In panel: ความฝันของฉันเป็นภาษาไทย
My dreams are in Thai.


So there you have it. This was my midterm for 5th semester Thai. I believe we were supposed to be demonstrating our use of relational time words (like “and then,” “as soon as,” “after that,” and so on). I don’t know if I really demonstrated that, but I did do a drawing big enough to distract everyone from the problems with my Thai.

File this one under PS3612.U686Z46 2012 for American literature—Individual authors—2001-—L—Biography and Criticism—Autobiography, journals, memoirs. By date.

This took a long time to color. That is why I am late posting it. Next week: Less Thai.

Em oi! #361: The Yolk’s on Me

It's  SO EGGCITING!

When I showed B this comic, he said, “I think you have to do some kind of penance for the title.”

Luckily my friend Rowan was the one who suggested it. 🙂

So the thing about eggs is that there are two kinds of eggs you can buy: Cage-free cruelty-free various-other-things-free free range happy chicken eggs, or cruelty-containing eggs. In the first case, you run the risk of having fertilized eggs (at least if you’re getting them from legitimately free-range chickens), because if the chickens are running around…well, sometimes they meet a rooster. This typically shows up as tiny blood spots on the yolk, and is only really a problem if you are trying to keep a Kosher kitchen, which my friends and I were doing during my undergraduate years. On the other hand, cruelty-containing eggs come from chickens that are confined to tiny cages and given no opportunities to meet with any other chickens of another gender, so all the eggs are unfertilized. BUT the addition of cruelty to the eggs makes them problematic for most vegetarian, especially those who are sympathetic to animal rights.

It’s a conundrum, I tell you. Anyway, this comic is why I don’t buy extra-large eggs (and why there was a long period of time wherein I didn’t eat eggs ever).

I’m filing this comic under TX745 .L86 2012 for Home economics—Cooking—Food of animal origin—Eggs. Incidentally this is the second comic this month that I have filed under TX7nn, the other being TX767.C5 L86 2012.

Also, happy anniversary to my cousin Jesse and her husband Keith, who got married one year ago today. Many happy returns, guys! 🙂

Em oi! #359: Saucy

"Quick! Taste this chocolate sauce!" This is uttered more frequently in my house than you might think.

We’ll class this under TX767.C5 L86 2012, for Home economics–Cooking–Baking. Confectionery–Recipes for special food products, A-Z–Chocolate. The recipe in question I was making is here, on David Lebovitz’s blog. It’s fantastic.

And in case you were wondering, it turns out a bottle of corn syrup will last pretty much indefinitely.

A few things: the About page has been updated, as has the Index of Comics. I have also added a Frequently Unasked Questions page. If you have anything you’d like answered on it, please email me (ehluptonATgmailDOTcom).

***

Yesterday I did the 26th annual Verona Hometown Days 10k. Because I’ve been doing a lot of speed work lately, and have seen (or imagine that I have seen) my times get slightly better, I thought I would do a little 10k to see how I am doing. There is nothing like a good race to really show you where you’re at. But the problem is, I am training for a long bike ride, so I cannot exactly put that aside and taper for a week. So instead, my training schedule last week looked like this:

Sunday: 32.2 mi bike ride, 6.3 mi run.
Monday: 8 mi run
Tuesday: 6.1 mi run (AM), 4×1000@4 min (ha) plus warm up and cool down for a total of 4.5 mi (PM)
Wednesday: 10.2 mi run, yoga
Thursday: 34.9 mi bike (includes commute), weights
Friday: 31 mi bike, yoga, weights
Saturday: 46.5 mi bike

So is this the best way to taper? Right. So. Also I went to bed quite late on Saturday and got up early on Sunday, even though Verona is only about eight minutes from my house.

When I got up, surprise, my quads (which had been very tired the previous day) felt fine, and my calf muscles felt all right. B took the dog out and I went off to Verona, arriving around 7:30.

It was already on the warm side (about 70 degrees), although my “heat training” (I do Bikram-style yoga–really, I do hot vinyasa yoga; I will explain the difference sometime) meant that I wasn’t feeling it as much as I might otherwise have been. Instead of bibs, we were given little strips with our names and a colored sticker indicating age group. This proved to be helpful (somewhat) during the race–I quickly ascertained that my age group was marked with a pink circle.

Since I live and run in the area, I knew the first mile and a half would be pretty flat, then hills through to mile five, then mostly downhill to the finish. Accordingly, I planned to: Go out as hard as I could, try to keep my pace steady on the hills but run conservative uphills if necessary, then really push it on the last 1.2 miles. (This is basically my strategy for every race, actually: Run fast, don’t stop.) A book on racing that I’ve been reading says the key to a good 10k is to run strong intermediate miles–it’s easy to find motivation at the start and finish and easy to get distracted in between. So that was another key to my strategy: Don’t falter between miles 2.5-5.

At 7:45, they shouted “go” and we took off, right up a hill. I passed a speedy-looking woman with purple KT tape on her back and, arriving at the top of the hill, realized I was the second place woman and probably fifth or sixth runner overall. The other woman was somewhat ahead of me and seemed to be moving comfortably. Our pace for the first mile was 7:15, which is not sustainable (I was shooting for 7:30s). So I decided, instead of grinding it out at the start, to wait and see if she would over-extend herself later in the race.

At mile 1.5 or so, another woman in a Berkeley Running Co. shirt passed me, and I had to let her go, settling into third place as we turned to go up the big hill next to Verona Area High School. I could see that there were some people back there, but it wasn’t until mile 3, when we headed out Northern Lights Road for an out-and-back section that I realized how far ahead I really was. The turn-around confirmed that I was pretty far ahead of the next woman, and so I ran a bit more conservatively on the way back through this section, which was very hilly. At mile 5, 9 Mound Road was a bit hillier than I remembered, and I had to push to keep my times up. It was getting very hot by this point, and there was not a breath of air to be had. I could see one (older) gentleman ahead of me, and if I turned I could pick out a man in a bright yellow jersey behind me, but basically I was alone. So basically I held onto 3rd place until the finish, where it turned out that neither of the women ahead of me were in my age group (I’d known about the first place woman, but the second place woman wasn’t wearing her strip where I could see it).

I won my age group with a time of 48:21.03. My splits were: 7:15, 7:45, 7:48, 7:59, 8:04, 8:01, 7:36 (pace over last .2 mi). This is an overall pace of 7:48, or about 14 seconds/mile faster than a tempo 10k run I did two weeks ago at track practice. So I’m pretty satisfied, although it is about what one would expect given my last 5k time and the bad weather.

In terms of lessons, I wish I’d tapered a bit better, slept more, and that the weather had been better, or that I’d had more time for yoga lately because that might have helped too. But overall, a solid performance. And really, I was not going to catch the first two women, and the next woman was not going to catch me, so I ran about as fast as I needed to.

Em oi! #357: Right-Wing TV Shows I’d Like to See

Later, Angry Foetus Ghost can have his own spin-off, titled "Master Bones Goes to Washington."

Click to view full-size.

So this took a long time to draw, mainly because I had to write two twenty-page papers over the last two months, so although this was sketched out as of the 5th of March, I finally finished coloring it…two days ago. Hopefully in the coming weeks I will be back to a more normal comic schedule, at least for the summer. That schedule will be Mondays. If I start getting really ambitious and post on Fridays too, I’ll let you all know.

This comic started when the Republicans started their little war on women in March because I was so angry about the increasingly negative atmosphere in which we are living here in the US. Then, before I finished, the movie “October Baby” came out. I feel a bit weird about that, though I think Master Bones in “All My Abortions” (also known as “Screaming Foetus Man”) is in fact more entertaining than the conceit for that film. He may actually be my favorite one-off character I’ve drawn for the strip, on par with the cussing teddy bear from #303. My dear aunt, who visited while the comic was in its final stages, mentioned the “old maid” should look like Miss Havisham. And of course she should, except I don’t know what Miss (Ms.) Havisham looks like, exactly, and also I wanted to do a TV show with a person of color in it, because seriously everyone on TV is white and it makes me want to die.

Anyway it struck me that people seem to think that women who have had abortions (or, per the Republicans, used birth control) should suffer for it in some way. Even a lot of people who say that they are pro-choice seem to think this at times, like sometimes they think it is okay to get an abortion but sometimes you should have to live with your mistakes. This is a very problematic viewpoint in a lot of ways, and maybe disingenuous, because it pretends that some abortions happen for convenience whilst others have “real” reasons, when in fact there are always “real” reasons–the woman in question cannot have the child (this could be anything from monetary considerations to the child having disabilities such that it couldn’t live past birth). So that’s what I was thinking while I did the first set of three…then the next two sets flowed from that. A number of people have said the third (“Trial by Ordeal”) is their favorite. Dear readers, which do you prefer?

Typically I hate the term “old maid” because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being, you know, unmarried (and over thirty, perish the thought).  But it seemed appropriate here somehow.

I think that’s about all I have to say about this. There are a few other references that my readers may recognize.

This one is filed under HE8689.7.P6 L86 2012, for Transportation and communication—Telecommunication industry. Telegraph—Broadcasting. Radio and television broadcasting—Special topics, A-Z—Political broadcasting.

Em oi! #356: Passersby were amazed

Clearly this is satire.  In reality they only got Marburg.

You can click to embiggen slightly. The panel second from the end (the fourth or seventh panel, depending on how you are counting) was designed by Bryan.  I owe him considerable thanks for help on this comic generally.  Also the final panel might be one of my favorites ever.

I have so much to write that I’m not going to write, because now I’ve got to go do some homework and go to bed. That is very much a summary of my life over the past several weeks, and I can only hope that it will get better during spring break next week and I might be able then to write something.

We’ll file this one under QH545.C78 L86 2012, for:
Biology (General)—Ecology—Influence of special factors in the environment—Special, A-Z—Cruise ships.

If you’re into Twitter, you can follow me at @pretense_soup. I personally find Twitter to be like a giant party where everyone is shouting witticisms at each other as loudly as possible–in other words, intimidating, so I don’t tweet frequently. But I assure you that when I do they are naught but the ripest, freshest, wittiest tweets available. So you should follow me.

For more on cruises:

Lupton, E. H. “Our Honeymoon–A Recap, parts 1-3.”  Em oi!, no. 308, 10-12 April 2010. Retrieved from Part 1/3, Part 2/3, Part 3/3.

Ronson, Jon. “Rebecca Coriam: Lost at Sea.” The Guardian, November 11, 2011. Retrieved from http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/nov/11/rebecca-coriam-lost-at-sea?CMP=twt_gu.

Wallace, David Foster. “Shipping Out: On the (Nearly Lethal) Comforts of a Luxury Cruise.” Harper’s Magazine, January 1996, 33-56. Retrieved from http://harpers.org/media/pdf/dfw/HarpersMagazine-1996-01-0007859.pdf target=”_blank”.

Em oi! #355: Sports Medicine

I'm smooth.

This is not the first comic about me fainting in public. I’m not writing this from home, so I’ll have to update this post later on tonight with the previous one. At any rate, this happens periodically (at least two major times since I’ve known B., every couple of years before then, and a few other times where I started to pass out but then managed to stave it off). I don’t know why it happens–I can tell you that the technical name is “syncope,” which as a word sounds delightfully Victorian, like “apoplexy.” I can also say that from my research, it’s either something or it’s nothing. But it’s such a vague symptom I think it would only annoy a doctor to try to get it checked out. SO. I promised B I would get it checked out if it happened for a third time within six months (I had a dizzy/nearly passed out episode in October, so I guess I’m safe after next month).

Let’s file this one under RB150.S9 L86 2012 for
Pathology—Manifestations of disease—Other manifestations of disease, A-Z—Syncope.

While I was working on this post, I started looking around for the last comic I drew about my syncope. I couldn’t find it (it must be on the computer I haven’t checked; I’ll set it up this weekend and pull it off). But I did find the best comic I’ve ever drawn:

Eine Kleine Chaos Musika

We’ll file this retrospectively under PN56.A24 L86 2008 for
Literature (General)—Theory. Philosophy. Esthetics—Relation to and treatment of special elements, problems, and subjects—Other special—Topics, A-Z—Absurdity.

Finally, here are three photographs: two of my new haircut (taken by B) and one of my dog.

Em oi! Vacation comics, days 7-11

The last batch! All are filed under Drawing. Design. Illustration–Caricature. Pictorial humor and satire–Special subjects, A-Z–Vacations.

The monkey on my back is a monkey.

Transcription:
Guy: Is she your sister or your daughter?
Em: Sister-in-law.  She’s 16…exactly how old do you think I am?
Vacation, day 7: Getting Personal in Roatan. (NC1763.V3 L86 2012c)

"A short drink of water" was not my high school nickname.

Transcription:
Em: Why do I gotta walk my ass all over this goddamn boat and no one gives me any ice water *!?#@~~

Vacation, day 8: The cold worsens. (NC1763.V3 L86 2012d)

High Performance Athlete

Transcription:
Em: I keep wondering how one body can produce so much mucus.
B: Well, you’re a high-performance athlete.
Em: I’m pretty sure that’s not what that means.

Vacation, day 10: I will never be healthy again. (NC1763.V3 L86 2012e)

This is, I think, my favorite of all of these.

flying home

Vacation, day 11: Never get on a plane with a headcold. (NC1763.V3 L86 2012f)
Well, that was a trip. Getting these little comics ready took a lot longer than I thought it would.

Here’s the picture of me that Sam was taking in the day 7 comic:

Hey hey we're the--nevermind.

For more vacation comics, check Part 1 and Part 2.